If this is all there is.....

I went to a party tonight for my Grandmother's 100th birthday. It was a good, old fashioned potluck old timey party. There were git-tars and cake and babies running around playing with balloons.  We filled the hall with people, we're a big family.
Cousins as far as the eye could see, Internet. Seriously.
Now i don't know how the topic came up, it was a noisy chaotic room. Suddenly one of my favourite cousins ( I said ONE of, don't get yer knickers in a knot other cousins) turned to me and said "life is too short.". Naturally my reply was "for what?"
"To spend it alone"
Well, hell.
This got me thinking, dontcha hate that?
Ok. Here's some background. I'm 36 this year and have never been married or had any kids. Now in my family that's a bit of an anomaly. Historically I've been a bit, shall we say, self conscious of this.
There may have been, at one time or another, suggestions made to help me along the path to husband land. Nothing recent. Nothing in front of my Mother or sister, as Armageddon would have surely followed.
Now I want to be very clear here, Internet. My cousin loves and respects me. I know this as surely and deeply as I know the sun will rise tomorrow. He has recently found his soulmate and he wants that for me.
I'm relaying the history to give you a framework for my thoughts on this topic. Cause I'm a thinker. I think alot. Sometimes when I ought to be sleeping.
 I explained to my cousin that indeed, a soulmate would be fantastic. I have no qualms in that direction. I told him some of my hair raising dating stories, and he empathized.
The love of his life, whom we all adore for more than her cheesecake making I swear, said to me that she firmly believes that there is someone for everyone. Someone perfect.
To which I replied automatically "but maybe there's not"
Cause maybe, Internet. There isn't.
Naturally this caused another round of thinking. Damned brain.
What if, as Jack Nicholson famously quipped,this is all there is?
How do I feel if this right now, is the card I've drawn?
Well, I'll tell you internet.  In that moment I decided I feel pretty damned fine about it.
Would I like a partner? Sure.
But I promise you, Internet as I promised him. I have no holes in me. I am intact.
This is a bit of a revelation for me. I used to walk around feeling incomplete. Like parts were left on the factory floor.
So the plan is, and there is a plan since I'm a thinker; to continue to Aunt / sister/ friend / nurse / coworker to the highest level possible. Also vacation more. That is all. Well, except for maybe some Archery lessons. Gonna need skills for the Zombie apocalypse.

A letter to my Nephews.

I read a blog not so long ago in which a man wrote a letter to his hypothetically gay son. It really got to me that a man would put in writing what he planned to do to support his son. It said to me that regardless of what the future holds, this man intends to do what he can to help his boy. And he means to be held accountable to that intention by the son himself.
Now, I don't have any children. 
What I have, as anybody who has read this blog can attest, is nephews. I have four of them. Soon to have five. I take my job as their aunt very seriously.
Seriously enough to make them some promises and put those promises on line. So that if I fall down on the job they can pull these things up and hold me accountable to the aunt job. This is by no means a statement of my faith in the boy’s parents; they have fantastic parents. This is what I mean to do as Aunt Jen.

Hello my loves.
This is your promise list. If you ever find I'm not keeping my promises to you, I expect one of you to print this out and bring it to me to remind me.

I promise to love you all the days of my life. Gay, straight, religious, atheist, right wing, left wing, anarchist or conformist. You are my boys and that will not change.

I promise to respect you. You are people even when you are small.

I promise to get to know who you are, not expect you to be who I want.

I promise to be your safe place. If sometimes you need a break from your parents never for a moment think you have no place to go. I am that place.

I promise to help with your education. Education is important but being saddled with huge debts when you’re done is stressful. I'll do what I can.

I promise to kick your butts as hard, if not harder than your parents. Never for a moment think that just because your mom and dad didn't see you do something it's cool. The world is a rough place for people who don't learn right from wrong. I would be remiss in my job if I let you think you can get away with being a jerk.

I promise to let you be boys. Being a boy is not always encouraged in today's world. It's perfectly fine with me if you are boys. Go ahead, get dirty, run around like heathens, do what you need to do to be boys.

I promise to bring the fun as often as possible. I expect you to behave, not be boring.

I promise to tell you the truth. About sex, drugs, rock n roll, life, history, anything you ask me about. I may tell you something is none of your business, but I will never lie to you.

I promise to sneak you candy. It's your mom and dad's jobs to keep your sugar intake low. It's mine to see you get some candy. Good candy though, life is too short for cheap candy.

I promise to embarrass the hell out of you at your sporting events. I will wear colours and bring air horns. Sorry dudes, aunt's prerogative. 

I promise to grow fangs and claws if anybody messes with you. I will bring seven kinds of crazy.

I promise to tell you straight out if the girls you date are hussies. Your parents may need to be politically correct. I don't have to be.

I promise to pick you up if you call me. Two o'clock in the morning or two in the afternoon. If you're at the police station, though call your parents 'cause I'll kill ya. You call me BEFORE the cops get involved.

Love Aunt Jen. (or mean Aunt Jen as some of you may call me)